11 October 2005

It's Not About Me

Life is not about what I want. It's not about my comfort, my desires, or my wants. My life is about Christ.

Sara and I are worshipping at a church that is going through the 40 Days of Purpose (40DoP). We went through this once at St. Paul, but we decided to go through it again as participants and not as leaders. I'm a little behind on my reading (imagine that), but let me share with you what I'm learning so far.

It's not about me. My life is not about me. My carreer is not about me. My ministry is not about me. It's all about God. More pointedly, it's about Christ.

The key questions that I am wrestling with then are these: What does my life say about Christ? What does my performance in my carreer say about Christ? What does my ministry say about Christ?

The past 17 months in the Army have caused a lot of changes. I've gone from a place where my spiritual life and growth were important and a focus, to a place where it's become secondary. Too be honest, I have pushed it aside. I've been so driven to succeed that I have forgotten what success looks like. I believe that I have proven myself to be a good officer and chaplain, but at what cost? Is it costing me my personal spirituality? Is it costing me my relationship with Jesus?

One of my pet peeves is a faith that says that Jesus is life-enhancing. Some would want to say that Jesus is like the brand-new detergent that will get your soul cleaner and keep it cleaner longer. I believe that Jesus is at least life-changing if not life-ruining. Jesus shows up in our lives and things that were important aren't anymore. He leads us in whole new directions that require us to run, learn, stretch, fidget, and be still...almost at the same time. I believe that faith in Jesus leads us to realize that our lives are not our own; we were bought with a price and Jesus is going to get his money...err...his blood's worth.

The big question that I'm struggling with is whether or not Jesus is still ruining my life or if he's just enhancing it.