Thankfulness

There are a number of organizations out there that help channel support to deployed Soldiers. I signed up at AnySoldier.com in order to receive a few goodies and treatst to draw people into my office so that I can talk to them. The other day, I received a gift that, at first, looked really strange but has quickly become my favorite. Some kind soul sent me a box full of homemade cards. Thank you cards, Birthday cards, Anniversary cards, Sympathy cards, and just plain old blank cards.

So, I have now taken up the habit of writing thank you cards to folks who send me things. I take one afternoon a week and just jot a few cards to folks that I have never met but who still send me and my Soldiers care packages. I try very hard to personalize each one based on the notest they include in their packages.

This morning was not a good morning for me. I've gone through two printers today. The printer that was here when we got here finally went kaput and so we brought out the back-up that we had brough with us from Fort Benning. Only, I forgot that it wasn't rated for 220v, and I fried that printer. It even had smoke coming out of it afterward. This caused me to take on a character that my wife likes to call "Mr. Grumpy Pants" because now I have to wait for the Army supply system to work in order for me to get a new printer. This will probably take approximately 13 months to happen...just in time for my redeployment.

Because my printer was down, I decided to start writing some thank-you's. As I was sitting and writing this afternoon, I felt my heart just start to lift as I took the time to give thanks for the gifts that these people had sent. It wasn't until I paused to think about all that I had received, instead of the one thing I didn't have, that my attitude changed.

I am so blessed to be here right now. Sure, there are things that could be better; I could be home with my hot wife and a cold beer. But, there is so much to be thankful for each and every day; things could be so much worse. I could be in an outlying area, bathing with bottled water, sleeping on a cot, and never have air conditioning. I could be in a place where my Soldiers are facing death and danger on a daily basis. But I'm not. I'm here and safe and doing my duty and receiving gifts from people who are thankful that I am here.

When I stop and think of it that way, Mr. Grumpy Pants just needs to shut up and go away. Amazing how thankfulness can re-arrange one's perspective.

Another Glimpse of Anaconda

So here it is...the first photo from Ananconda. This is me and MAJ Moore in our best "killer" pose. Although, I do have to say that his weapon is a little more formiddable than mine. Yes, that is a Nerf Dart Gun that I am holding. No, that's not a Nerf Dart Gun that MAJ Moore is holding. (Mr. Suckow will be happy to know that my Dart Gun has a "laser sight." Now, if I just had a stack of beer cans.) The other thing that you will notice is that I am sporting a new 'do or rather a lack of a 'do. Shaving my head is all about time management. It's easier to take 10 minutes every other day than find the time to go a barber once a week. Don't worry, I'm not folicly-challenged like some; mine will grow back.

Had a rough couple of days this week. One of my duties is to perform a Ramp Ceremony for Fallen Heroes that come through our Mortuary Affairs Collection Point (MACP). Anaconda's got one of the busiest MACP's in theater. This week I had one ceremony where we loaded six flag-draped transfer cases onto a C-17. We did it in the early evening, one of the hottest times of the day. It's my job to lead each transfer case onto the aircraft with appropriate military honors. However, there were also 20+ Servicemembers there to honor the fallen as well. Then we also had one tonight, just days later. I have been averaging one every three-four days. None of them are people from my battalion; all of them are "strangers." Yet, all of them represent a fallen brother in arms and so they are family.

I work very hard to let it get to me. That's right let it get to me. I don't ever want that just to be a job, a duty, something perfuntory that has to be performed. I want it to be meaningful, thoughtful, and honorable. The downside to this is finding a way to let the emotions go.

As I see it, there are two extremes that I can fall into. I can become a cold-hearted military autonomaton that just shows up, does his job, places the transfer case on the aircraft, and walks away. The other extreme is to get so wrapped up in all the effects that this flagged-draped case represents, that I can't control my emotions and I'm a blubbering mess. There has to be some middle ground. I'm not going to claim to have found it yet, but I'm comfortable with where I am at now. I can still get better at it and that's what I'm striving to do.

But isn't that what we're all striving to do? Are we all striving to get better at the hard things that our daily lives bring to us? Keep striving, friends.

Couseling loads have spiked a bit this week. My guess is that, since we are among the first wave of replacements, some folks are "smelling the barn" and allowing themselves to think more of home and reunions and what that all means. Also, since there are two groups of us that are in our first 60 day window, all the problems that went unresolved before these folks left are blowing up right now. Unfortunately, I expect this trend to continue for the next 60-90 days.

Probably 90% of what I do over here will be counseling. It's one of the hardest parts of being a chaplain, which is really nothing more than a pastor in an institutional (i.e. Army) situation. I am expected to be able to provide a high level of psychological care when all I've had for training is a bit at my Officer Basic Course (OBC) and a one-credit class at Seminary. This means that I don't yet have the skill to meet this expectation.

There are two ways that I strive to meet this expectation. The first is that I have the time and mentorship to study. The chaplain at our next higher headquarters has a D-Min in Pastoral Counseling, so I am able to pick his brain for thoughts, hints, ideas, and feedback. This is great. The second is a great piece of advice that a hospital chaplain once shared with me. He told this story...

He was taking an oral exam for his Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) process. He walked into a room where the panel was scribbling some notes, he assumed from the previous candidate. The chair of the panel, without looking up, said, "Go open that window, please. I'm a little warm." Wanting to help, my friend walked over to the window only to find that it wouldn't budge. It was either nailed shut or painted shut but it wasn't going to move. After a few minutes of struggling with the window, he walked back to his seat and sat down. The chair of the panel looked at him and said, "I thought I asked you to open that window?" My friend agreed but then admitted that he couldn't do it. The chair of the panel said, "Thank you, that will be all." and he was dismissed.

My friend learned a valuable lesson about counseling that day. He learned that he may not be able to help everyone and do everything that he would like to do. That day, he learned to recognize his limits and not exceed them. I took this lesson to heart as well. Even if I have all the skill in the world, I may not be able to help everyone. The true wisdom in counseling comes from knowing one's limitations and when to get help. Heck, this is the true wisdome of life: knowing one's limitations and asking for help.

So, just know that I am a little busy but I am well taken care of. I know when I am in over my head.