Stuck in the "Ustacoulds"

SPC T, my chaplain assistant while I was deployed, is from Louisana and, therefore, has a very colorful vocabulary.  One of the great words he would use repeatedly was: ustacould.  It is used thusly, "I ustacould run really good but now I'm out of shape."  Like I said, colorful.

I've been stuck in the "ustacoulds" lately.  This morning I went to the gym for a 20 minute run and 400m swim, times and distances that wouldn't have bothered me in the least three months ago.  This morning they just about killed as I struggled through each one.

And it's not just about working out.  I'm stuck in my "ustacoulds" about a lot of things.  I ustacould hold my temper better.  I ustacould think about God more.  I ustacould pray better.  I ustacould serve my wife better.  I ustacould a lot things before my deployment.  And that's the frustrating part.

Just like with my physical training, I'm having to start over again in a lot of things.  One of the first arguments that my wife and I had when I first got back was about find a water glass. "They're where they always were," she said.  To which I responded, "I don't remember where that is."  I ustacould get it on my own.  Now I need a little help.

Don't we all get stuck in the glory days of the ustacoulds, though?  I'm becoming addicted to Facebook and seeing old photos of myself from high school and college just seem to bring back the ustacoulds.  Seeing what I looked like and what I used to be able to do and what I used to look like just seems to convict and frustrate me.  What happened to me?  In my mind, I can still do all the things I ustacould but the fact is that I really can't.

The key is starting where I am.  This takes a whole lot of honesty and grace.  Honesty to look at myself accurately in the mirror with all my wrinkles, blemishes, and scars.  And grace to realize that none of these things can keep me from God and His forgiveness and His plan for my life.

This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.