I'm so lost...

Today has been a crazy day; I am so lost. It started with a fight over a dumb piece of paper that meant more to me than my wife's feelings. Not that this is right; it's just the way that it was. I'm so frustrated, confused, scared, excited, optimistic, and negative all at the same time. It's so hard to feel anything. So, when I don't know what to feel, I feel anger and blow up. Unfortunately, I blow up a lot at Sara because she's close. It's not right; it's just the way it is. I'm working at it...please be patient with me.

Tomorrow's going to be the harder yet. Saying good-bye to the staff is going to be very very hard. A lot of good partners and helpmates that I would love to bring with me. We could change the whole Army if I could get them to come with me. But that's not in the plan. It would have been had I written it but, for some reason, God didn't see fit to ask me. Something about being the Creator, I guess. At least that's how Job tells it.

I'm so lost. I have no world. I have two and I can't do anything in either one. It's so much like eschatology, so much like being a man of faith that it's not even funny. To keep going in this ministry in the Church, knowing that the plans that I make and the seeds that I sow will probably be harvested by someone else. Paul planted, Apollos watered, God gets the credit. God gets the credit. Amen.

I'm so lost. Lost in myself. Lost in my emotions. Lost in my tasks. Lost in my callings. Lost in everything. I pray that God will come and find me...soon.