A Comment of Southern Movie-watching
Okay, so maybe I should have put this post first, but I didn't so lump it.
It's interesting to watch an action movie at a theater on a military post. Here's some things you have to deal with:
1. Camelbaks abounding. Most 18-20-year-olds show off with their sneakers, jeans, or even underwear. I think that's why they wear the pants down to their butt-cracks, so they can show off the boxers that they spent $30 on. Not here at Ft. Benning. No, the status-symbol here is Camelbaks. Click here for a run-down of what I see every weekend. All over Main Post, you see people with really short hair, baby faces, and these huge backpacks. I don't know where they're going or what they need to haul, but they do it. For the most part, I can just go with the flow...until they all go to the movies together and suddenly there's less leg-room that a Southwest Airlines flight. What does one need a Camelbak at a movie for?
2. A failure to suspend disbelief. Ft. Benning is home to some of the most Hooah! (it's an Army thing) Schools/ Units in the Army. Groups like the Airborne School, and the Rangers, and the United States Army Sniper School, all call some part of Ft. Benning "home." So, when you go into a movie where they have a level of expertise, the crowd is full of groans and hushed conversations about how this is all "fake." Really? It's fake? You mean there really isn't someone named Jason Bourne? What? This all some elaborate story about some ficticious person? What was I thinking? I thought this was real. I mean, if I wanted fiction, I'd go see Fahrenheit 9-11. (Don't believe it's fiction? Read the 9/11 Commission Report. I dare you!) But when I come to a Matt Damon movie, I expect realism!
3. Prolific use of chewing tobacco. So I'm munching on my popcorn and snarfing down my new movie fave: Reese's Pieces when I see the kid next to me digging into his cargo pocket. He pulls out a Skoal can! The next thing I know, all I can smell is the sickening mix of mint and tobacco. He puts a pinch between his cheek and gum, pulls out a styrofoam cup and enjoys his movie Southern-style! Yeah, because there's not enough grease and salt in my popcorn, or sugar and chemicals in my Coke and Reese's Pieces to kill me. Nope, I need some carcinogens just to prove that I am 20 and going to live forever. This is one thing that I've noticed: It's too hot to stick a burning mixture of weed and paper in your face. No, if you want the pick-me-up that tobaccy offers, you gotta chew it down here. Everyone is always spitting. Always! Even in movie theaters! How can that even remotely taste good with a Coke?
So, if you want a completely different movie-going experience, let me take you to a 5:30 matinee at the Ft. Benning Movieplex. After you stumble over Camelbaks, listen to the grumbling about how something "can't be done," and see someone fumbling in the dark for their Skoal can, you'll appreciate your local movie theater a whole lot more. I know I have!
It's interesting to watch an action movie at a theater on a military post. Here's some things you have to deal with:
1. Camelbaks abounding. Most 18-20-year-olds show off with their sneakers, jeans, or even underwear. I think that's why they wear the pants down to their butt-cracks, so they can show off the boxers that they spent $30 on. Not here at Ft. Benning. No, the status-symbol here is Camelbaks. Click here for a run-down of what I see every weekend. All over Main Post, you see people with really short hair, baby faces, and these huge backpacks. I don't know where they're going or what they need to haul, but they do it. For the most part, I can just go with the flow...until they all go to the movies together and suddenly there's less leg-room that a Southwest Airlines flight. What does one need a Camelbak at a movie for?
2. A failure to suspend disbelief. Ft. Benning is home to some of the most Hooah! (it's an Army thing) Schools/ Units in the Army. Groups like the Airborne School, and the Rangers, and the United States Army Sniper School, all call some part of Ft. Benning "home." So, when you go into a movie where they have a level of expertise, the crowd is full of groans and hushed conversations about how this is all "fake." Really? It's fake? You mean there really isn't someone named Jason Bourne? What? This all some elaborate story about some ficticious person? What was I thinking? I thought this was real. I mean, if I wanted fiction, I'd go see Fahrenheit 9-11. (Don't believe it's fiction? Read the 9/11 Commission Report. I dare you!) But when I come to a Matt Damon movie, I expect realism!
3. Prolific use of chewing tobacco. So I'm munching on my popcorn and snarfing down my new movie fave: Reese's Pieces when I see the kid next to me digging into his cargo pocket. He pulls out a Skoal can! The next thing I know, all I can smell is the sickening mix of mint and tobacco. He puts a pinch between his cheek and gum, pulls out a styrofoam cup and enjoys his movie Southern-style! Yeah, because there's not enough grease and salt in my popcorn, or sugar and chemicals in my Coke and Reese's Pieces to kill me. Nope, I need some carcinogens just to prove that I am 20 and going to live forever. This is one thing that I've noticed: It's too hot to stick a burning mixture of weed and paper in your face. No, if you want the pick-me-up that tobaccy offers, you gotta chew it down here. Everyone is always spitting. Always! Even in movie theaters! How can that even remotely taste good with a Coke?
So, if you want a completely different movie-going experience, let me take you to a 5:30 matinee at the Ft. Benning Movieplex. After you stumble over Camelbaks, listen to the grumbling about how something "can't be done," and see someone fumbling in the dark for their Skoal can, you'll appreciate your local movie theater a whole lot more. I know I have!
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